Now You See Me, Now You Don’t
Some of you who have got to know me in the past through some of my linkedIn posts may have thought “Where did she disappear to?” One minute I was there with “Singing from the Soul” posts and updates to then sudden quietness.
Well, whenever you are in transition from one point to another point there is always a period of adjustment and being still and quiet can be important during transition, especially when it is a big one. It was an enforced quietness on my part, uncertain how to express what I was thinking and whether it was at all important for others to hear it.
Now as I start to formulate my thoughts I have felt ready to offer an explanation.
In short, I had something critical to resolve, something which had to be worked through, and I had to answer many questions to get the clarity and understanding I now have. This was done through Independent Coaching.
My Story
Recently I fell out of a job after several failed attempts to find a working life balance as I transitioned between employee and self-employed. It was a role where I was invited in by a respected ex-colleague and it proved to be a great example of “not to build your castle upon foundations of sand”. Although I intuitively knew that it was not the right role for me, or the right organisation, my very optimistic head was also telling me to do it anyway as it would be good experience and I could fit myself in. I had done so before and so why not now? That part was true, but throughout my time there I was unable to bring my experience to the role due to the way this specific organisation worked. I didn’t fit in the team and realised the moment I arrived. After several months of attempting to operate their way and not achieving results, and being unable to influence them, it came to a head. For me, when it came to the conversation of me leaving, it was basic business common sense – it was not working and I was not achieving the result we both wanted. To them, and my CV, it was a failure. I, however, had a more positive view. I had learnt many things there, particularly what did not work and that I was indeed successful, but more successful in choosing the wrong thing for me. I happily left but had one unanswered question left. “Why on earth had I put myself in that situation?”
So Much to Offer
As a person who has mainly been “employed” rather than “self-employed”, Recruiters and Employers who view my CV now look at it with concern and say to me “you have been in many different roles haven’t you?” I know inside their head their “is this the right employee” alarm is blowing bells and whistles as they wait politely wait for me to reply with a reassuring answer. What they don’t realise is that the document they are looking at is actually a very muted, watered down version of my CV where years of experience and roles have been squashed together to shorten and obtain a managed focus – a sales document, and not showcasing all of the skills I have. It is still an honest document but still a sales focused document non-the-less. It is very true. I have had many years of experience in many different roles, many different businesses. I was once a professional Temp where I went from business to business. Small, large, start-up, established, government, finance, legal, recruitment, sales, marketing…you name it, I have been there in that environment. And, on top of that I have longstanding experience as a Recruiter, Lawyer, Psychotherapist and Counsellor and Team Manager. I have so much to offer the right employer, extensive skills, diversity, and an understanding of different roles and business environments that many people do not have, and indeed as a recruiter it has assisted me work with employers and candidates a like very successfully..
Being The Wallflower
For many years I have always worked in the shadow of others, for others. It was a conscious behavior. Not quite stepping up, but not at heart stepping down either. Trying to show up without appearing too much in front. It wasn’t a lack of confidence, it wasn’t a lack of focus, it was just part of my philosophy, as I had always thought to do the best work was to be in the background where you were not sticking your head out and making the most noise or jostling around others saying “Me, Me”. I just wanted to say what I needed to say when I had something to say. It wasn’t important to me to be at the top, and so I have always been happy to be the wallflower, standing behind and allowing someone else to be the big admired rose in the front, or behind a garden of colourful flowers, namely my team. I never withdrew from contributing, as I felt it was important to be present and be counted, and I enjoyed being kept active. I was devoutly dedicated to the companies and people I worked with, dedicated to bringing the company brand and business to success and doing my very best with all the knowledge and skills I had to make the company, teams and others shine.
The lightbulb Moment
Until recently, until I went through personal coaching. I didn’t realise how much my philosophy dis-empowered me, how much it stopped me recognising myself and the contributing part I was playing, allowing myself to be less than I could be. As by assuming the back position, I was always seen as loyal, dedicated, contributing member of the team, but anything I had contributed was watered down by others claims. Indeed, when I did stick my head out I felt awkward and uncertain and a little bit of a Jekyll and Hyde, shining one moment, and then at odds with myself. Although I was happy to operate behind others, I did want some recognition for my contributing part. Not big accolades, but just given space to be able to grow in my part of the garden. In response, my colleagues would react struggling and wishing to retain the status quo and wondering why I was stepping out when I had allowed them space. It becomes a point that even a wall flower can overgrow their side of the garden and I found I either got cut back, or the plants in front fought for their light. Either way I started to realise that I was not going to grow by remaining with my philosophy, I had to be a something or another. But what?
It is a late awareness, but It does not make me a push over, just someone who had a different perspective of how or what she was achieving. For me it was always doing a good job, with the best skills – often giving more than I got back, and learning that if you don’t stand up for your part, others will happily dull your shine.
Looking at my CV wearing my experienced recruiter hat, I recognise I am now too diverse for most normal roles, my skills and experience have made me now over-skilled and hard to place, even in its muted form. You cannot undo what you know, even if you try to temper it. It would have to be an exceptional employer and manager who would be able to harness all my skills and experience to their advantage for their organisation. These forward thinking types of managers are rare indeed.
An amazing moment
In this new awareness, though, I discovered something else. There is a part of me however, which knows it has moments of pure brilliance. Moments of total amazingness which refuses to keep quiet, and has always sat bubbling underneath the surface, regularly getting pushed back down by my watering down of myself. As it does with anyone who is held back, stunted, and not properly seen, it would leak out every now and again, rear to the top and wave at the world like a two-headed monster, mostly unwelcome and unbelieved, but the results of what it did was often total genius. I look back and can claim some amazing creative thoughts and ideas which assisted the businesses I worked in to flourish. It’s a travesty really. Someone with so much ability, with so much knowledge selling themselves short, and appearing as if they had no belief or faith in themselves. As although unintended, essentially to others that is what it looked like. It has taken me time to stand up for how good I can be at what I do.
In truth, everyone does this – I cannot claim to be special. Evolvement is a step by step process, but like those who suffer alcoholism or drug addiction, the everyday human condition of having a lack of awareness, lack of thought, naivety, carelessness, lack of faith and ignorance, also requires acceptance by the individual starting to say “I am …”
How did I get there?
I have been lucky. Much was right place, right time and my own journey of training and development.
Not everyone has that possibility. For others it can only be done through independent coaching.
What is Independent Coaching
Coaching is not counselling. It does not focus on the story of pain or what has necessarily gone wrong in the past. Coaching has been described as “a series of conversations that are designed and conducted to enhance someone’s well being or performance”. Coaching assists people to focus on what is important now and then develop a plan of action, which will assist them attain their goal through SMART (specific, measurable, realistic and time framed) actions. Coaches do not give solutions, but assist you in considering your options and actions, so you can make a decision on what solution or next step is right for you. With the right questions, you will have an “OMG” moment, a moment when a new awareness occurs. This moment will then lead the thought process towards a decision to take action.
Independent Coaching is excellent for any situation, specifically when there are challenges to work through or to discover a path of action that best serves you as an individual. It also provides results in achieving performance at work, career management, personal relationships and personal development. If you already have a plan or idea in mind, coaching helps you find that clarity and define the route to make it real.
My own personal journey of many businesses, many roles, diversity, skills and knowledge led me to a decision. Led me to the awareness that I had so much to offer and that lightbulb moment is what made me to train and become an accredited Master Coach. As where else can I bring all of my skills, ability and knowledge? To serve others, not just one person, or company or unsuitable role to shoehorn myself into. As through being coached I recognised how amazing I am, what skills and experience I have to offer different individuals and organisations, and how I can change my world by offering my own amazingness to empower others.
I have a secret to share…
Everyone has someone amazing inside of them. Many do not find the opportunity to discover how amazing they truly are. Many people stay in roles or situations where they are undiscovered, undervalued, unfulfilled, and dis-empowered, sometimes for the whole of their lives! Many individuals, leaders, or employers, do not know how to give the space to empower this transformation or if offered the space, do not allow themselves to take the space where this amazingness can be discovered. This is due to their own limiting beliefs, coping strategies, and a general lack of action.
One of my favorite saying by Thomas A Edison, the inventor of the lightbulb, is:
“I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work”.
Like me, sometimes you have to try different things to discover your amazingness, the part which makes you shine. If people have said that you have failed, or that you feel you are a failure, then you, and they, are very wrong. You have not failed, you have just been successful in finding the wrong direction or thing that did not work, and it is possibly because you have not had opportunity or given the space to ask yourself or consider the right questions.
It is true! You are truly amazing, in your own specific way!
Coaching offers the opportunity to give yourself the space to find your own amazingness and/or the next step forward. If you are a brilliant manager or leader who believes that your team need to find their individual amazingness, it is an opportunity for you to empower them by giving the opportunity to them.
A great question I can give you to start your own journey of discovery of your amazingness with is this..:
What is Critical for you to resolve right now?
If you would like to understand coaching more or how I could assist you further, do contact me.
GodfreyWynn Executive Coaching and Talent Management Consultants
